MIND STEW

It seems the wait is over. Tiger Woods will be returning to golf.  After a long layoff from golf due to injury, Tiger will be making his way back onto the links in his first tournament since his last tournament.  Meanwhile, sports pundits and broadcasters are flocking to stores to purchase the kneed pads that they will be wearing next week when blowing Mr. Woods.

Tiger Woods, The Man the Sports Broadcast World Is Waiting To Blow.

Since Tiger’s leave from golf, sports broadcasters have basically ignored the sport altogether. They have made the decison for golf fans that the sport basically isn’t worth mention unless they have Tiger to worship like little girls  used to worship The New Kids on The Block.  It seems what these broadcasters who are anxious to blow Mr. Woods have failed to realize is that it is possible that people might actually like golf.

Ted, a real life golfer, was asked his thoughts about the reaction to Tiger’s return ” Well, you have to appreciate Tiger. The guy is truly amazing at the game of golf.  But when he was out I kept playing like I always did and watched all the tournaments I always have.  I think the people who stopped watching probably aren’t the real big fans of golf. They are really just people who like Tiger as a celebrity…or they are queer.”

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In a recent poll, the staff of Mind Stew asked people just like you why they hate Alex Rodriguez of the NY Yankees.

Your Voice is Heard. A-Rod is a Huge Douche Bag.

Here are the top results:

1. He’s a huge douche bag
2. He is one more asshole steroid user ruining the game
3. Frosted Hair
4. He’s a terrible liar
5. He is rolling around in the sack with crusty Madonna
6. Designer jeans
7. He’s a NY Yankee
8. He’s not on the Boston Redsox
9. He can’t hit for shit in the playoffs
10. He looks like Joe Camel

After reviewing poll results, it is unclear just how many reasons there are to hate Alex Rodriguez. What is clear is that people really fucking hate him.

Among the news that just about every player in in the MLB is on steroids, several sources are saying that the Redsox will be signing Frankenstein to a two year contract worth $21 million.

Frankenstein - Future Redsox?

Although Frankenstein does have limitations in the field, the Redsox feel he would make a great designated hitter.  Last week in a private practice it is rumored that Frankenstein impressed coaches with a fury of home run shots the likes nobody has ever seen.

There were a at least a half dozen incidents of major injury as Frankenstein crushed line drives off the chests of batting practice pitchers.  “You should see Frankie hit. It is unbelievable. He needs to be a little patient and be careful not to get tricked with the off speed stuff, but the guy was sending baseballs out of the stadium like some kind of cannon” said a Redsox official.

Objections are anticipated from other teams in the league. However, in light of the fact that players are juiced out of their brains, it is likely that the widely misunderstood monster and life long baseball lover will get his chance in the big show.  Based on the amount of steroids and other performance enhancing drugs used by players, there is barely a difference in the biological classifications of players and Frankenstein. Both are considered unaturally altered biological entities.

In fact, many have argued that Jason Giambi is a distant cousin of Frankenstein.  People speculate he has hidden this fact through a cosmetic surgery that removed the bolts from his neck.

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ESPN broadcast man and college basketball fanatic, Dick Vitale,  is known and sometimes criticized for his enthusiam for Duke Basketball.  In his signature broadcast voice he often wails away in near-worship of  the school’s basketball program. What’s more is Vitale’s outward and often illogical man love for Duke coach Mike Kryshucikkeidisuhdjejiski, known commonly as Coach K.

Dukie Vitale. How much is enough?

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Rumors and speculation have been flying this week about a possible announcement from the NBA that it plans to enstate a rule change for the 2009 season.  In  what people speculate is an attempt to improve the flow of the game, it is rumored that the NBA will announce that it will be banning dribbling.

Rumors Perpetually Abound Regarding the NBA? Will there be an end to dribbling?

There are those on both sides of this speculated rule change.  Take Zach, a text messaging instructor from Seattle. Zach is excited about the rumors of the ban on dribbling.  When asked about the announcement he said “This is a rule that is long past due.  I mean, who wants to see all of that boring dribbling.  It’s really a silly non-essential part of the game. Just think of how fast the game will be when LeBron tucks the ball and sprints up court.  Maybe if this rule came earlier Seattle would still have a team.”

Another proponent of the idea to eliminate dribbling from the game is Tito, a polka musician in DC.  According to Tito “Man, we gotta just let these boys do what they do, you know what I mean? Heck, the NBA aint cared about traveling for a long time. I grew up watching the NBA in the Jordan era and watching Sports Center highlights daily.  Nobody never cared about how many steps the ballers took. And look how far the game has come. This is just taking it to the next level. We need to get out of the way of this game’s evolution. “

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