Archive for the ‘Science’ Category
Global Warming Causing Freezing Temperatures, Experts Say
As the world seeks to learn more about the phenomenon known as global warming theory, experts seek to provide the public with more and more knowledge. The latest release from global warming experts has some in panic, some puzzled and some still eating frozen fish sticks while watching Dancing with the Stars.
Global warming theory, the theory that human activity is causing the earth to warm to environmentally dangerous levels was made popular by Al Gore shortly after he invented the internet. This is precisely the reason many believe in the theory. A man that can invent the internet in his spare time while being a career politician and then turn around and know the human activity is ruining the planet without conducting any science of his own is obviously a man people must trust for information of this magnitude.
Global warming deniers claim that because global warming cannot explain a trend opposite to that of global warming theory, global warming theorists and believers have conveniently changed the name of global warming to global climate change. Abra Cadabra! We still have a crisis. Break out the compact fluorescent light bulbs and new government taxes!
With that, progressive think tank Scientific Hypothetical Intellectual Theory (S.H.I.T.), a group associated with Gore’s global warming efforts, released the stunning information that global warming may actually cause freezing temperatures. For Gore supporters and global warming believers, this is yet just one more piece of conclusive evidence that the threat of global warming is very very very very real.
Jedidiah Suzuki, an activist working on legislation that will give squirrels and possums equal rights to America’s roads, says that the new release of information has helped him clarify some recent questions, “It all makes sense. Lately I have been freezing my ass off. It has been unusually cold. My cars doors have been freezing shut, pipes in neighborhood houses freezing. It’s crazy considering I live in Georgia. But when this study came out it all made sense. I mean what else could be causing such cold temperatures but warming?”
Is Nancy Pelosi A Robot or An Alien?
Since 2006 when the democrats took over the majority in congress and since dominated the mainstream media networks there has been a question puzzling the nation. Is Nancy Pelosi some kind of robot or is she an alien? One thing is for sure. There is no way in hell she is human.
People are undecided about Nancy Pelosi. Is she a robot or a space alien?
Physical Observations:
- Skin. It looks as though she has some sort of synthetic skin covering. It could be some kind of bio-mechanical material draped over a mechanical or extraterrestrial skeleton.
- Eyes. Always open to the point it looks insane, her eyes are simply creepy. In addition, her eyes never blink. This has people all over begging the question “What the fuck?”
- Face. Varies greatly in shape and structure from the human species. Again, this appears to be made of some plastic or synthetic material. Definitely not carbon based.
Behavioral Observations:
- This being seems to have no sense of human mannerisms. Its body language is strangely stiff and emotionless.
- Speech Patterns – the cadence of this being’s speech once again has no resemblance to a thinking & feeling homo sapien. Scientist theorize that only after massive doses of barbiturates would a human speak that way.
- Although this being demonstrates, at times, an adult human vocabulary, it almost never communicates a logical thought. In addition, this being thinks and speaks in a way consistent with what psychologists refer to as “batshit crazy”.
