MIND STEW

Rumors and speculation have been flying this week about a possible announcement from the NBA that it plans to enstate a rule change for the 2009 season.  In  what people speculate is an attempt to improve the flow of the game, it is rumored that the NBA will announce that it will be banning dribbling.

Rumors Perpetually Abound Regarding the NBA? Will there be an end to dribbling?

There are those on both sides of this speculated rule change.  Take Zach, a text messaging instructor from Seattle. Zach is excited about the rumors of the ban on dribbling.  When asked about the announcement he said “This is a rule that is long past due.  I mean, who wants to see all of that boring dribbling.  It’s really a silly non-essential part of the game. Just think of how fast the game will be when LeBron tucks the ball and sprints up court.  Maybe if this rule came earlier Seattle would still have a team.”

Another proponent of the idea to eliminate dribbling from the game is Tito, a polka musician in DC.  According to Tito “Man, we gotta just let these boys do what they do, you know what I mean? Heck, the NBA aint cared about traveling for a long time. I grew up watching the NBA in the Jordan era and watching Sports Center highlights daily.  Nobody never cared about how many steps the ballers took. And look how far the game has come. This is just taking it to the next level. We need to get out of the way of this game’s evolution. “

However, there are some who doubt the improvement such a rule would have on the NBA.  These folks believe that the game was fine the way it was.  Along with their pro-dribbling stance on this issue, they also are in favor of the following:

• Calling traveling, double dribbles, palming & carrying
• Acknowledging the 3 second rule
• Enforcing the rules equally among all players regardless of marketability and celebrity status.

While these purists of the game would surely be angered at this announcement, some actually say it doesn’t come as a surprise. Hank, a sales manager from Boston, former player and life-long fan claims he doesn’t even watch the NBA any more.  “The NBA is crap.  It is barely basketball. They have been ruining the game for a while. The league turned it’s back on the real fans and started marketing to the casual fan…you know, non-fans. It’s all about the kiss cam or the Leprechaun jumping on a trampoline. It’s not about the game anymore. I watch college ball now.”

Hank wasn’t the only one with these sentiments “Look, between the shady refs, Jordan pushing off whenever he wanted, Stern laying down fines and suspensions in questionable ways, players acting like thugs and the game generally being pissed on by the league…who cares? Dribbling, no dribbling…it hardly matters.”

A source who requested anonymity claims the league is unconcerned with traditional fans of basketball.  They see the rules as antiquated and an obstacle to increasing the entertainment dollar at games.  They can’t understand how anybody could see the harm in doing away with dribbling from basketball. In fact, they are in favor of more progressive rules. Other rumored considerations are:

• a four point line
• three points for any made dunk
• a smaller ball for easier palming and better shooting %
• changing the playing surface to a composite rubber that will allow players to jump higher
• 7 players on a side
• plexi-glass walls surrounding the court, much like hockey
• making the opening of the rim wider
• Assigning the # of personal fouls allowed to a player based on salary

According to self-proclaimed basketball progressives, these rules would eliminate all boring elements of the game, increase offensive firepower and appeal to the casual fan. It seems that packed stadiums and huge ratings on TV from raving basketball fans just don’t seem to be the recipe that Stern and the NBA are looking for.

We’ll keep you posted on any further NBA rumors that may develop.

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Please Note: This is not real. This is a spoof. Just having some fun.